I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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