Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
