Four minutes until I can fart!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who died my cat blue again?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
