He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
