I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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