You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
