you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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