Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My penis needs a shock collar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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