I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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