she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
