If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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