to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
