i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
