he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
