So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
