I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
