My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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