Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
