Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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