Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
