Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to calm my uterus...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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