I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
