If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize