He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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