It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
