omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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