dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
