Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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