dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You work out of a Hotel?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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