I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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