he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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