i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mom said you looked used
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
