i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
