Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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