Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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