naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
