omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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