i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
