you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
