are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
