He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
