Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
