he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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