so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
