This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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