They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
