never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
