i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
