I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
