I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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