Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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