**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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