Your tits are I can't wait for
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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