How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
