So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
