I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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