Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think people are normalizing furries
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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