distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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