Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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