I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
