We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
