I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
