Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
