Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
