She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
