You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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