I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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