When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
