I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
