a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
