The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
