Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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