she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
