but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
