I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
