I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
