if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
