Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
