True but thats because hes a fetus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
