she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
