I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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