I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
