One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize