I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
