maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
