I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
