I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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