shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
