I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
