Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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