but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
