So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize