We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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